a tree spreads it's branches

a tree spreads it's branches...
...to let in sunlight and to shade and shelter in hot times.... at times lichen grows ... it is all beauty... sometimes so simple it is hard to see.

Today is here & I have worked through some of the sense of failure I felt in chosing the wrong place.

However I will say that instinct is so strong... I am stone deaf ! No I did hear it but berated myself for being so precious.

There was an uneasy feel about moving to that house... the closer this got the unease settled around me like that fog I drove in.... I couldn't see any reason & was questioning "how come you have lost your spirit of adventure & of HOPE "? ..I have a + on that....
Purchases were difficult to be delivered, obstacles happened & at last all was delivered ..which now needs to be picked up... the notice to give to quit, the reluctance to begin to pack...the sheer lethargy....
The overide was the yearning to be resettled..to explore ..to breathe some new life into my soul..

I may have been a little foolish but I do not think so... who would have known, we, strangers in town...what person would have felt safe to tell, in case we were part of it all.....that is not a world I inhabit & are very niave in that sense......

the drive was a long one

Yesterday was a day that I wish had not happened....perhaps I should learn to read the signs or maybe write my plans..declare what my wants & needs are...?

The jug, not quite 6 months old decided to stop boiling water in between my 2 vital cups of good tea in the morning. I boiled water in a saucepan... so had that cup of tea.

Onto the roads filled with pea soup fog.. the ones where the world closes right in & scenes are some dotted lines on the road.. & slow driving..startled every so often with the headlights of a truck or car. I took a road higher up to cut across to unfamiliar places... & finally made it to the destination.

My new abode for a very short time, a stop over on my way to find a different life. I was feeling a strange apprehension about living there. I thought I was just being silly, new surrounds, not where I had wanted to be, it was much closer to the things I yearned for & to separate myself from what the hometown had woven their identity of me, not who I was.... besides I miss urban life.

I mopped & scrubbed the floors, benches & open shelved cupboards clean..while my support did curtain hooks to at least cover windows at night..to feel snug & secure in a strange place... is so vital for me...

The chap who was going to mow the lawns came by as we came in, with news of mowing... and what I was to move in beside...drug dealers....
" oh they keep to themselves, probably won't bother you... woman has done time a couple of times & son steals, but not locally..goes away to do that..." novel ideals I thought.

But in those words I was more apprehensive.... the mop was swung ... as I felt numbed... I so wanted to weep profusively as this was not what I had anticpated..
I had felt a dread for days on waking & not organising a lot. reluctant to move forward.
And that is what I had put it down to... but instinct is a most amazing thing....

Some tears crept from the corners of my eyes as I drove the lonely wide open plains back to whence I had come.... but I had things to do in the shops on arrival & red swollen eyes & nose were not how I wished to present.

I need to go ponder this & try & sort out some staying put for a few more moments.
I feel a bit of a failure today & the elastic on my soul is pulled so tight...

I share this saying

I QUOTE from a pin card of ballet shoes copyright The Baroness Collection

" THE DANCE"

As life moves along, and

You come to the time

When the way to the top

Seems too steep to climb

Move out of yourself, be

surrounded by light,

By music, and weightlessness,

Ready for flight.

In your mind, in your heart

And in your dreams, be a part

Of the twirling, the floating,

The gesturees of "Dance"

Wear this pin to remind you

That life never stands still;

You make changes and choices

To see dreams fulfilled."

in between premises

I am moving into a small light filled elderly miner's cottage for a short term as I try & crack the real estate code in a particular area. It is really quite a sweet house, yet I was for a pretty new townhouse this time & need to turn my thoughts to cottages again....
I draw much inspiration & settled thoughts from one of my single friends who lives behind her business in a small flat that she has made into a comfortable nest...
I have watched her transform this space into all one needs.... it is comfortable, minimal funds spent etc etc...
SO how much space does one person need. I do not long to rattle around a large home anymore... not sure what I will fit into...but worth some trials.
GARDENS are fine in tiny allotments now... where once a vast block was planted to within an inch of it's life...that is a piece of the past now....

and then there is changing light bulbs

Light bulbs is another thing I really don't like doing... but one could be sitting in the dark for a long time waiting for some tall male to drop in......

I turned off a light last evening & pheff it blew out... managed that one today. With the longer lasting bulbs that is a god send as they rarely need changing !!!